Once I Had the Rarest Rose That Ever Deigned to Bloom Cruel Winter Chilled the Bud And Stole My Flower Too Soon

Ok so this week was absolute HELL. Sunday when I got home from my dads, not even two seconds into the ride home and I started sobbing. I didn't stay around the house that day, all I did was walk around the town. I didn't want to go home, but it's not like I could just go and sleep on a park bench, she'd call the cops and it's not a good idea to sleep in a park around here. Monday, I broke down in school and was sent to the social worker AND the guidance counselor. But that night I talked to my mom. I told what they said and how it doesn't matter what she thinks. In the end most issue with her were cleared up. But not even an hour later, I suddenly got sick. I'm soo not going into detail about what happened, but I was in so much pain I actually passed out. I lost my hearing for a few minutes and my sight. Nothing big for me really, its happened twice before. Obviously I didn't go to school the next day, my mom wouldn't take me to the ER though. Wednesday I also stayed home and we found out I have that like two week long stomach virus that I some how caught even though it's not contagious. Thursday I attempted school but after gym I got reaaallly sick so I was sent home. I'm feeling better now, and I made it all day Friday, which was awesome. We did Tai Chi, Yoga and Oragami in Global class, it was amazing.

But last night my mom went out with some friends. And this guy that once hit on me because he thought I was 18 called, because everyone thinks I've got this crush on him, nuuuu. I was BEYOND embarrassed, I told my mom don't ever do that again. He was like "Will you be my date for the parade?" So I was obviously cornered and couldn't well, not agree. And he just kept teasing me, it really sucked. But I am NOT going to the parade I am staying home and talking to Eli. And tonight, I am going to dinner! Haha, I haven't gone out it what seems like forever.

Being home alone last night was amazing. I had one window open, and it seemed to let the entire world in. It felt like a summer night mixed with an autumn evening. And since then I have been in a really good mood. I do hope summer comes soon, I can't wait.

'Cause Nobody Wants to be the Last One there, And Everyone Wants to Feel Like Someone Cares

Oh joy it's the weekend. I'd first like to say that this week, was like a complete contradiction. It was complete and total hell. But at the same time basically heaven. Well, Monday I was, sick. Deathly sick you could say. I slept aaaall day. Monday was actually kinda nice. Tuesday, well, Tuesday was just school really and getting harassed by asshole jocks and preps. Wednesday, hmm...decent day, hung out with some friends and stuff. Thursday, ugh, worst...second worst day of the week. That day in school I was criticized for wearing sunglasses in school. So now I'm seen as even more a of a freak then I already was. Later I went to dinner with a friend for his birthday. His mom and my mom took us to Hiro's, this really cool Hibachi place. Ish not as cool as Sakura's because they interact with the customer and do a lot of tricks. But the guy made a shrimp into a bunny! It had eyes too! But anyway, not even a mintue after I ate, I got wicked sick! My face was all flushes and everything. This went into Friday, worst day of my entire life. I told my mom that morning I still felt sick, and she went off. She yelled at me about how I'm always sick and missing school. Then she said with the way things are going, I'll never amount to anything, and she said I was worthless. That day I barely made any effort to even breathe. I wore sunglasses again, because I kept crying and I didn't want anyone to see. When I got home I packed my stuff and waited out on the porch for my dad to come pick me up. She yelled at me when she got home, for not saying anything to her. She said sunday we would talk, and apologized, at least I think it was an apology, I don't know. Anyway I left and broke down infront of my dad in the car. And I believe I told you about my dad, so yeah, just imagine how that went. And now tonight I have to go to a family dinner which will KILL ME!!

Mina, R.I.P- Damn family dinners x_x

The Bridge is Crossed, So Stand and Watch It Burn, We've Past the Point of No Return

"When will the blood begin to rise? The sleeping bud bust into bloom, when will the flames at last, consume us? Past the Point of No Return. The final thresh hold. The Bridge is Crosses, So Stand and Watch It Burn, We've Past the Point of No Return..."

Well this week has been less then pleasant, but this weekend, though I hated being with my Aunt on my dads side of the family, I feel better today. A lot better. Today it feels like I've started a new begining, almost like starting fresh but not leaving everything behind.

During the week school was actually alright. I had the pressure of finishing part of an essay for science about the weather in Targoviste, Romania. Of course it's not suprising that I chose to do my project on somewhere in Romania.

Lastly I completed a new picture. I have chibified...Erik! ^^ Yesh I chibified the Phantom! It didn't come out to well, but I included it in this post.

This weekend was spent at my aunts house. Much angst. It was horrible! My god I wanted to kill myself!! None of my fathers side accepts me! Not only did they judge me, they basically shived food down my throat!

Lastly, many strange, paranormal things, have happened this weekend. At my fathers house, I saw a white figure run up the stairs and then down the hall. I brushed it off then suddenly I saw something red flash by the tv. Quickly I turned away and grabbed somehting to eat, because I was like starving. It was then I heard a mans voice call out my name a few times then laughter. I bolted out of the kitchen to my room.

Then today, at my aunts. I was awaken by the sudden pain of someone SITTING ON ME! There was no one there I could see, but I could clearly feel the pressure of someone sitting on my rib cage and stomach. I thought I'd suffocate, but they go off me. I stayed in bed, thinking what ever it was was gone. I heard footsteps coming towards the bed, I ran out of there so fast I was like invisible to the human eye. Later today everyone was napping but me of course. I walked down the hall into the kitchen, suddenly one of my little half brothers toys turned on by it's self. I flipped out^^".

When Darkness Turns To Light, It Ends Tonight, It Ends Tonight

Well it's the end of Winter Vacation. I have to say this wasn't my favorite vacation ever. I've been brain dead all week. My muse has been completely dead. So I sadly haven't replied to any posts on my Hellsing RPG site, nor have I been able to create a profile for the Forevr Dusk Academy site. Oh and the cherry on top, Fanfiction.net as been been horrible to me and hasn't let me log in to type up and upload the next chapter of my Hellsing fanfic, Hand of Sorrow. Hand of Sorrow was story I came up with last year. I wrote it all down in a small white and black polk-a-dot book with a red ribbon to tie it closed. I've finished the first book, and now I am working on a sequel. If you want to read it the first chapter is up on Fanfiction.net, my pen name is Miss.Mina Murray Harker, it's AxOC.



Anyway, I guess there was some good to this vacation. For one I didn't have to go to school and suffer through ciruit training in gym. Last time I was in gym, we used the rock wall. I slipped and lost my balance. I fell forward slamming my face against the wall, and slid down to the ground and when my foot hit the ground, my ankle made this weird loud cracking noise. Everyone started flipping out asking if I was ok. Tell the truth it happens all the time. Please my nick name is Bella, for those of you that read Twilight, you'll understand.



Another thing, I did get to talk to Eli aaaaall week! Oh, and I got to hang with my friends Laura and Sam! Well I'm being kicked off the comp. I will see you all on Friday, farewell.

In the Middle of Summer, All was Golden in the Sky

Even after yesterday, when I always feel heartbroken and depressed, I'm in wonderful spirits today. I don't believe anything cant bring me down today. Though it may still be winter, snow still sprinkled on the ground a cool chill to the air, it feels like summer. The sun is out, the trees are alive, and the warm sun beams a comforting. I usually hate sundays, they always depress me, but today is just amazing!! I went to the mall today to find the novel The Phantom of the Opera. I read it back in elementary. But I can't seem to find the right one. The one I read was Erik's story, not the boring documentary version by Gaston Leroux. If anyone knows where I could find this version, please, do tell me.

But even though I didn't find it, I'm still in high spirits, I may add to this later. But who knows.

Even Though I May Never Meet you, Laugh with You, Cry with You, or Kiss You, I love you. With all my heart, I love you

"I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you." -Valerie

For Valentines Day I thought for a title I'd use one of my favorite quotes from one of the best movies ever, V for Vendetta, and I would end this with another quote from the best movie ever, The Phantom of the Opera. And so today, is Valentines Day. A day to celebrate love, and family, and friends. A day of sadness and sorrow, a day of love and prosperiety. I've never really liked Valentines Day, since before now, it always seemed like I was alone. But now, I look back, and I think the tears I used to shed on this day, have been for nothing. I've come to realize, I was never alone, I had my friends, and I had my Phantom. And I think it's time for us to all realize, even if you don't have a girlfriend, and boyfriend, and lover, or significant other, it doesn't mean you are alone on this day, or any other day. On your birthday, on Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, you are never really alone. And if you read this it anger, thinking you have no friends, you have no family, I believe you must be blind. Open yours and stop being blind to all the love that surrounds you.

And it almost kills me to write this as I sit here being yelled at by my mother, you today I have made breakfast for{pancakes one in the shape of a heart}, and spend all night last night making her something. And yet it seems she can't appreciate it. So I hope today, no matter where you are, who you are, or what you're doing, you do not think you are alone, and you do not feel alone, because there is always someone there for everyone, and even if you think there isn't, there is, because... "Even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you."

I wish you all, a happy Valentines Day.

"Say you'll share with me one love, one life time, lead me save me from my solitude. Say you want me with you here, beside you, anywhere you go, let me go to..."-Erik, The Phantom

"Masquerade...Paper faces on parade, Masquerade, hide your face so the world, will never, find you...Christine I love, you"- Erik, The Phantom

And Feel Just Beyond My Grasp is Heaven

Oh so far today has been a wonderful day. I may have have escaped my fathers clutches, but today at my mother's house, my report card came in. One bullet I couldn't dodge sadly. From that you'd probably expect I failed some classes. But on the contrary, I'm passing everything. This report wasn't as good as my other one. But to tell the truth, with my constant sickness and trips to the school social worker, I'd say I did pretty damn good. I mean, I even improved in my Honors class! But of course, my mother made the worst of it. She once more went on her epic rant of how I'll never amount to anything and how she won't pay for my college if all I'm going to do is "Lay around and do nothing with my life." Luckily, after her rant she stormed out of the house to go to my grandparents house. Since then I've had some peace and quiet. Oh, and my reward for having a decent report card is...

No computer during the weekdays!!

Wonderful isn't it? Well, for today not even that can ruin my mood. For no particular reason I've just been in a pretty okay mood. Very tired, but, I don't mind that.

And so tonight I'll watch my favorite movie, Bram Stoker's Dracula, and then I'll stay up all night byself and watch some anime..

Standing At the Begining with You.

First post ever, I'll begin with the most dramatic and stressing thing in my life.

This weekend, I was supposed to go with my father. But like many other times, I got out of it. I said I was too sore from circuit training, which we are doing in gym. Well, from this you could probably tell, my parents are divorced. They've been divorced since I was 1 or 2 I believe. My mother left my father because he was he was on a lot of drugs. When my mother left him, not too long after I believe, we went to jail for some money thing. I used ask my mom where my "daddy" was. She said he was off getting better. I found out for my self where he was, on my 5th birthday, I got a card from him. On the back and said, something or other prison. Five is old enough to know what prison is. He got out and the next year is when I first really met my father. When I was younger, I was very attatched to him, I wanted to live with him instead of my mom. Soon I realized, that, well, I didn't. I started changing, redefining myself, I found my true form. Well my ass of a father didn't like that. Once my metamorphisis from 5 year old princess to goth was complete, my father in my view had completely changed. He called, and still does call me, a Devil Child and a Demon. My fathers side of the family is very prejudice and non-accepting.

My mother. Oh god I could go on about her and my father for hours. My mother and I used to ve very close. But now, I really don't know what happened. She yells and screams at me. She doesn't think I'll amount to anything and that I'll be in highschool for five years. When truth is, I'm a very good student! I'll be taking a college course next year, and I'll only be in 10th grade!! She didn't even say "Congrats." or "I'm proud of you." When I told her.

Here's where both sides mix in. Like I said, I'm gothic, punk, dark, all of that. That and, I'm not very religious, no, not at all really. Both sides of my family are Hard Core Roman Catholic. Now imagin how that is for me. My family has been saying that I "need to be saved" and things like I should read the bible! To go coincide with the religion, you could probably guess they're prejusice towards bisexuals, gays, lesbians, transexuals, all of that. I've tried to tell them I'm Bi, but they don't listen, they laugh. So, because of that, I keep a secret from them. A big secret. I keep because I know my life would crumble and be destroyed if they knew. The secret. I am really Bi, and, I have a girlfriend, our one year aniversary is May 24.

If my family ever found out, they'd force us apart, and never let me talk to her again.